She Knows

Last night, my daughter amazed me.  She showed me what an absolutely awesome young woman she is growing to be.  She showed maturity I didn't realize she had. 

Sara has been working so hard at volleyball.  Each year she has played she has grown so much as an athlete and her drive to keep improving is strong.  Her confidence in herself is growing as well as her insight to see what’s truly important.  I've watched her team lose every match in a tournament and then listened to her tell me that she was okay with it because she felt like her team played their best and supported each even when they were losing.  

She recently tried out for a higher level team.  She wanted to make this team so badly.  She did very well at tryouts.  She played her best and stayed positive and confident.  There were probably 10 players competing for the same position.  She took the Coach’s call in her room.  She came out smiling and said, “She said no” and she followed up with  “But she said I’ve really improved a lot in the short few weeks I've been training with her and to keep working.”  Wow!  I was ready for the “stay in my room and sob quietly into my pillow” reaction, heck I wanted to do that myself for her.  But instead I got a mature, see the big picture response.  She knew there were only so many spots.  She knew although she did her best and she was good, others were better.  She knows that she’s getting better every time she touches that ball and she WILL get to her goals and dreams with lots of effort and hard work.  And she knows she’s not going to give up.  

A Bittersweet Picture Day

It is spring picture day for Sara—last school picture of Middle School!!  It’s so bittersweet.  She is growing into a beautiful, bright, enigmatic young lady right before my eyes.  It seems like just yesterday, I was picking her clothes out for her but even as a small child she definitely had her opinions on style.  She has always been a “comfy” girl fighting against anything that “looks nice”.  

But today I didn't have to beg her to wear something other than her usual volleyball tshirt.  She didn't even ask for my help in picking something out.  She emerged from her room this morning looking beautiful with her own style definitely showing.  I think she is finally starting to become comfortable in her own skin—no longer feeling a need to hide under tshirts and jeans.  She’s starting to be her own person and stand out in her own way.  I love her so much!!

Scary!

The scariest thing I’ve heard from my daughter yet was “Mom, I have my High School registration stuff”.  I knew it was coming.  I mean it’s inevitable.  She keeps promoting to the next grade so she had to go sometime!  She’s growing up right before my eyes.  But that doesn’t mean I have to like it, right?  Last night we went to the High School Open House.  My jeans and t-shirts girl wore a nice blouse and scarf!  Yup, growing up whether I like it or not!

The campus is HUGE!  There’s going to be 700+ students in the Freshman class next year.  It’s going to be so different than her Middle School.  Lots more choices, lots more opportunities, lots more freedom…..and lots more stress!  She’ll be taking 3 Honors classes and Sophomore Math plus if all goes right, playing Volleyball for School and Club.  It’s a lot!  But I know she is strong academically and emotionally.  I have faith that God will guide us all through this. 

And as a friend reminded me, this is just a bump in the road, wait until she starts driving!!!!  My reply?  One thing at a time!    

She Cried Last Night

She cried last night.  Not an “I’m angry and I want to make a point” cry.  Not an “I want attention” cry.  Not an “I want my way” cry.  A real “I’m hurting” cry.  The kind where you escape from everyone and bury under the bed covers and try to wish it all away.  The kind where you quietly sniffle and the tears roll slowly down your face.  The kind where you don’t want to talk with anyone.  The kind you don’t want anyone to see.  

It broke my heart.  I wanted to fix it all for her.  I wanted to make it all go away.  I lay with her in her bed and rubbed her back.  I encouraged her all she hard work and accomplishments.  I told her how much I love her.  I had to admit to myself that I can’t fix everything.  I cried too.  

Happy Birthday to Sara!!

This month my wonderful daughter turned 12 years old.  12 years!!  Oh my gosh!  She's getting soooo grown up and we are so proud of her!!  So in her honor, I am going back into the archives and sharing an old post.  It still speaks to my heart and I expect it always will.  I hope you enjoy Just Like Me.

Anxiety

Yup, anxiety.  Everyone has it at some point or another.  And we all handle it differently.  My son and I tend to get that sick feeling in the pit of our stomachs.  My daughter, well, she just gets mean! 

And she showed us today.  She is going to volleyball camp this week.  She’s never been to this facility before and she won’t know any of the campers.  I understand the anxiety.  At her age I would have been sick as a dog in that situation.  I saw it coming too.  She couldn’t fall to sleep last night staying up until after midnight and then waking again at 4am.  She’s tired.  She’s anxious.  She’s CRABBY!!! 

Please God, help her to enjoy the day, make new friends, sleep well tonight and have a better attitude tomorrow!!

So Tired

I'm so tired. It's been a long day, long week, long summer. Life with an ADHD child and a child who feels overlooked and insignificant because of an ADHD child is very tiring. They must be parented differently and one invariably feels the other gets the better deal. I'd just like one day with no whining, no complaining, no tattling, no repeated requests, no yelling, no stomping.....one perfect day. Is that too much to ask?

Santa Meets The Tooth Fairy

Well, it's Christmas here! Merry Christmas to you all!!

I am still up. We are anxiously awaiting TWO magical icons tonight! Santa, of course, will be here---just as soon as Sara gives up and falls asleep!!!!! She has been having bedtime troubles for sometime now. I thought the fear of being skipped by Santa for still being awake would help tonight, but alas, the excitement is too great and she is STILL up requesting curtain calls--what was that noise? I'm too hot. My tummy hurts. I thought I heard prancing and pawing!! Ah.....perhaps she eventually will fall asleep so St. Nick can stop in!

But the REAL excitement is for Scott. You see, he lost his very first tooth today! Yes, he IS almost 7 and we were beginning to think he'd keep his baby teeth until college! He is so excited!!! He put the tooth at the edge of the bed so the Tooth Fairy can find it! I can't wait to see what is more exciting to him in the morning: Tooth Money or Santa Gifts!!

Oh and it's Piper, The Hyperdog's Birthday today! She's 2!! Lot's going on at our house today!!

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and ask that we all remember the reason for the season. Happy Birthday, Jesus!!!

Coming around?

So…..this morning, I laid out Scott’s jeans for him to wear. He whined asking, “why do I have to wear those?”. I replied, “because it’s cold and I said so.” And he put them on without another word.

He's just not ready...

Nope, he doesn’t care that it is 20 degrees outside. So what if it’s only going to be 40 degrees today. We’ve been struggling to get Scott into long pants for over a month now. The teachers in carpool line are always exclaiming, Oh, my gosh, he’s in shorts!!

We compromised with jacket and shorts but the time has come. I even bribed him with an extra marble for his incentive rewards jar. That excited him but when the time came to put those long pants on………………..

BOOM!!!!

It was like World War 3 in my living room!!!! A tantrum ensued reminiscent of the terrible twos. Stomping, screaming, falling on the floor and flailing around. And it did not end well. Oh, he DID wear his jeans. But in the process he lost his video games for a week and TV for tonight.
Hubby said he whined all the way to school. When he got out at carpool, the teacher said, Son, where’s your coat? Scott’s reply? A scowling "HHHUMMPHHHHH!!!!"

Stage 2?

I have finally given up on denial and moved on to acceptance. Scott has always been a “spirited” child. Even as an infant, he would wail for hours inconsolably. I had strangers offer to hold him in stores so I could do my shopping. He had separation anxiety to the point of throwing full-out tantrums at daycare drop-off. When we moved and had to switch daycares, it was hell on earth.

We had hoped that the structure of Kindergarten would help him to settle down but it appears to have done the complete opposite. He is very smart and learns quickly but he can’t keep still and he can’t keep quiet. His teacher has said on some days it’s like he drank a 2 liter bottle of Mtn Dew right before school and he has no control. ADHD was mentioned actually by me but I just didn’t think that was it because he CAN focus and settle. He’s not always “on”.

Well, I did some web surfing on ADHD and saw quite a few signs and symptoms in his behavior—namely hyperactivity and impulsivity—and found out that they aren’t always “on”. We also talked with family members as 2 of our nephews have ADHD and Hubby says that Scott acts just like he did when he was a boy. So now I’m moving from denial to acceptance. Even if it isn’t ADHD, there is definitely something amiss.

We have an appointment with a counselor for Monday to review his background and behavior and will hopefully have his evaluation in January. Now that I’ve admitted he most likely has a problem, I want to fast track it and get him some assistance. But as those of you already in the system know, it is NOT a quick process. So my frustration level is mounting. But I have a good friend who has been through it and is being a great source of support. Scott’s teacher is also wonderful. She is willing to do anything we can to help him. Thank you so much, Mrs. Wall!!

It just breaks my heart to see his behavior page from school on those bad days--especially now, understanding he may not be able to control it. He’s such a sweet boy. I just want to help him so that the rest of the world can know the sweet boy that I know.

Where do the monsters live, Mommy?

The other night, we had been watching Godzilla. Scott was really enjoying it and wasn't scared at all. Well......not REALLY scared. This is how bedtime went:

(Tucking Scott into bed)

What was the monster's name, Mommy?
What monster?
On TV?
Oh, Godzilla.
Where does he live? Is he just in the city or does he come into the neighborhoods?
Oh, he just lives in the city.
Our city, Mommy?
Oh, no, just way up in New York. That's a long way away.
Just in New York?
Yes, just New York.
OK, goodnight, Mommy.
Goodnight sweetie.

Happy Birthday, Sara!!

Seven years ago, it was midnight and I was anxiously sitting in a hospital bed to see if they were going to let me stay. I was 1 week overdue and Group B strep positive. I’d been having contractions about 2 minutes apart and was ready to stop being pregnant!!!! They started an IV for the antibiotics, Yay, I get to stay!!!! I labored through the night……walking, sitting, standing, rocking, on a ball, on the edge of the bed…….no relief. The nurse said, you’re doing great, about 7 cm!!! Cool!!!! The doctor came in at 7am and said, nope, maybe 4 cm. NOT COOL!!! I want an epidural!!!!

So I got my epidural and it was heaven. I relaxed, I watched TV, I slept. Hubby went home to grab a shower and feed the dog (we had Misha then). While he was gone, the epi started to wear off. I was having to breathe through the contractions. The nurse had me change positions and that helped a little but not much. So we went with epi #2. DEFINITELY NOT COOL!!! It did nothing for the pain and only made me dizzy and nauseous. So bring on #3, which only helped a little again. We were contemplating epi #4 (which, btw, the Nurse said was NOT the record!) but the Nurse said I was complete and could try pushing.

So now we start to push. It’s now about 4pm. I pushed for about 2 hours but wasn’t getting anywhere. Baby was big and her shoulder was caught on my pelvis. Dr decided a vacuum assist was the way to go. So with a few more pushes and lots of pulling by the Dr, Sara came into the world weighing 9lbs 2oz. She was beautiful!!!! Her skin was a rosy pink, her fingers long and thin and her head was covering in copper/red hair. They handed her to me and she hardly made a sound as she nuzzled close to me and went to sleep.

Happy Birthday, Sara, sweetie!!! We love you so much!!!!

Confession time: I’m a day late, since Sara’s birthday was actually Wednesday. Sorry, sweetie!!!

Can I still call him my baby boy?

Today, my little boy took a very big step. He was excited and anxious this morning as we got dressed. He happily grabbed his backpack and hopped into Daddy's truck. I left the house alone today for the first time in years. Daddy walked him to his room and got him settled. No tears, no clinginess--just a little anxious. When I picked him up this evening, he was all excited. He had eaten all his lunch and had chocolate milk for snack. He didn't get any warnings and he got a bag of hershey' kisses. He made new friends but he couldn't remember their names. And yes, he is ready to go back on Monday. And that was how Scott's first day of Kindergarten went. I'd say it was a smashing success. But he'll always be my baby boy!!