Friday, July 27, 2007

Remembering Misha--Part 3, When We Get To Heaven

We moved to our new home June 20, 2005. It’s very hectic moving 2 kidlets and a dog in the heat of summer. The kids missed the old house and were having trouble adjusting to the new daycare. It was a very stressful first week. Misha seemed to be adjusting fine until that first Friday.

We got home that night and sound she could hardly walk. She was unsteady on her feet like she was dizzy and her ears were all crusty like an ear infection. She wouldn’t eat or drink. The next morning she was no better so I took her to the vet. They ran some tests and cleaned her ears out good. The tests showed elevated liver enzymes but not much else. She said Misha reacted like she’d been poisoned. That didn’t make any sense. We’d been there only a week and she was always on leash and rarely made any noise so I could see no reason for anyone to harm her. They gave us some meds for a possible ear infection and sent us home.

Several days passed with still no improvement so we tried another doctor. He was an angel. He kept her for almost a week doing tests and giving her IV fluids. He called for us to bring her home saying she had improved nearly 100% over how she came in but the Misha we took home that day was not our Misha. And her blood work still showed there was something going on.

Dear Hubby took her for an U/S. He said the doctors were all chatty and pleasant as they started but the more they looked the quieter the room got. It was cancer and it was widespread. I think the stress of the move accelerated her condition. We took her home with some high protein food to help boost her energy and a hope for a few more months. That was July 14, 2005.

She was too weak to climb the stairs so we would carry her into and out of the house. We kept her with us as much as possible. She had good days where the old Misha was back and bad days. We tried to prepare the children telling them that Misha was very sick and we needed to spend time with her. She was failing quickly.

The night came when Misha could hardly breathe and she couldn’t walk. She couldn’t keep even water down. We called the vet who told us to give her some Benadryl to make her comfortable through the night. We woke Sara up so she could say goodbye. She cried so hard when we told her that Misha was very sick and it was time for her to go to heaven. She wanted to know how Misha would get there. I told her an angel was coming to carry her there and that once she got to heaven, she wouldn’t be sick anymore. She would run and play and be God’s dog. She would be able to watch us and would be waiting for us when we get to heaven.

The next morning the children and I said one last goodbye and Dear Hubby took her to the vet. He wouldn’t let me come. I was very angry with him that day because I wanted to be there. But now I understand this was something he had to do himself. He is a very private person and needed to grieve in his own way….alone. It was time. She would not have lived another day. I still, to this day, feel we let her down…..that we let her suffer trying to keep her with us for “just one for day”. Dear Hubby was with her when she passed. He said he held her and she just went to sleep……and then he cried. I locked myself in my office……and then I cried. That was July 28, 2005.

It’s been 2 years now. I still have her collar and tags in my dresser. Sara has a picture of her on her dresser and still cries for her at times. Scott was too young to really understand but he misses her just the same and has a fond attachment to anything Husky. I think of her often. I miss how she knew when we turned off the TV, it was time to go to bed. I miss “talking” with her. I miss her “cuddling” with me, lying between my legs and the couch. I even miss her begging to lick the ice cream bowl. But I know that God now has a great friend. I see her lying between His legs and His throne, cuddling. I see her playing with our friend Nancy who passed later that year and sitting with my FIL who passed last year. And I know that she’ll be waiting for us when we get to heaven when we’ll all be a family again.

We love you Misha.


nutmeg said...

What a beautiful post. I have an aging dog who is like a child to me. I'm sitting here crying... I know what my future holds. Misha was one lucky dog.

Jen E said...

Thank you Nutmeg.